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SEOULxSOUL •xiaosi / junsi •kavenyou.com |
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Thursday, October 18, 2012×
What you want in the past, doesn't mean you will, still want it now.
Not long ago, I got this thought after I experience some stuffs. It's true to me, I used to think a lot of things, how to go about searching for something, and thinking it's perfect and ideal for me. But when you really got that 'thing', you realise it's actually not really, what you want. Yes, it's perfect (well, consider it is), and your brain will go 'that's it, isn't this what you want?' but another side of your brain will go 'nope, i don't think it suits me' Thinking, and having it it's really different. You feel differently. It's not the same feelings you imagined you will have, it's not the situation you imagine that you will meet. It bugs me though, it's normal, i know it is. But i just felt so amazed, that all that i've been searching for ; All that i thought it suppose to be an happy ending, thought this is what i want for the future, is actually, not really what I want. In fact I felt burdened, felt that actually the thing I want, I don't think I even deserve it. Looking at myself and the expectations I have, it's far cry for it. Like heaven and earth ? Follow your heart, they say. But my heart doesn't even tell me what I should do. Just another ponder! |
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